Buttermilk fried chicken, fried in duck fat and a pastrami reuben, a vegan’s nightmare? ONLY MY DINNER! BUT, I had a fucking awesome day. Work was fabulous, I had a number of success. I spent 30 minutes trying to figure out my life’s purpose. Some dude’s blog said to answer this question: What is my life’s purpose? at least 200-400 times, until the answer makes you cry. Am I cynical?Well, at least 140 later, no tears. I know it has something to do with love, compassion, peace, and joy but I just could not make it all fit together. I had more emotion this morning when I almost pooped my pants!!But, as I interfaced with my co-workers, I knew that I worked at the best place possible. As I saw each of my children and my pretty awesome husband tonight, I realized that I have it made. Great job, great family, and I live in this beautiful world.Full moon last night, my periods coming on, it kind of makes me into a crazy bitch. So, I gotta calm down, relax, and just ease into the ambiguity of a normal day on this planet. The sun has been out, that made me feel better too.
Day 103/Weight:152.8 lbs
I punched the snooze button for 40 minutes. I still got up and worked out. I feel like I already had a triumph today. I can do this!
Day 103 5:40 am
I pressed the snooze button for 40 minutes. But I still got up. Running off to exercise.
10 reasons to exercise
I just found this on a website. I am going to read this at least 4 times and then I am going to try and workout tonight!
Top 10 Reasons to Exercise!
By Jeff Huling, Castle Rock Store Manager
SAVE MONEY!
The average sedentary American spends $330 more per year on health care expenses than active individuals.
REDUCE YOUR RISK OF DISEASE!
Regular exercise reduces your risks of heart disease, hypertension, colon, breast and prostate cancer, stroke, Diabetes, Alzheimer’s, back pain, osteoporosis, and obesity; just to name a few.
RELIEVE STRESS!
Let’s hear it for fewer headaches, better sleep, and fewer sicknesses!
GET SMARTER!
Exercise improves memory and creativity.
PUT AGING IN SLOW MOTION!
Increase cartilage in joints, maintain muscle mass, strengthen bones, and always look younger!
WALK TALL!
Exercise improves self-esteem, self-confidence, discipline, and mood!
SAVE TIME!
Taking time to exercise will increase your energy and efficiency throughout the day.
GET THE MOST OUT OF LIFE!
Exercise allows you to reach your full potential in every way.
IMPROVE YOUR APPEARANCE!
Lose weight, tone, and shape your body. Look better, feel better, and improve your sexual health!
EVERYONE WINS WITH FITNESS!
Out of all the ways to spend our time, exercise provides the most benefits and effects everything we do in a positive way.
from: http://www.healthstylesexercise.com/fitness/2006/03/top-10-reasons-to-exercise.html
Tattoo
I am dreaming about a tattoo. I think it is going to be of a singing crane. The reason I like the singing crane is that I want to be the bearer of good news and the bringer of good luck. I am currently folding 1000 cranes for a special goal and this tattoo would help remind me of the possibility that we can all do in the world to bring about good. I know that our lives make a difference and that we can all make positive change in the world around us. I just wish that I could focus more on that and less on the things that don’t really matter. I have a hard time keeping my balance in the thick of it. Maybe the next time I try. 
Day 104/Weight:154.6 lbs, Part 2
Still going here! I think I am feeling a bit better because of writing my last post. I do have inherent power and stability within me. I need to trust it. Even though I work my ass of around my house, my job, and everywhere in between, I need to remember myself. Long before I was a wife and mother, I was me, me, me. I am still that great person. I just let myself get beat up by the day to day stuff.
Maybe it is those simple things like remembering to work out. Or remembering to honor my feelings by posting them here in this blog. Sort of like a writing cure. It is now 7:58 and I my stomach if full of cheese and chips and that is not a very great situation. But, I could still work out! Maybe I will go and do that next. Maybe that is the strike for good that I need to do for myself today.
Day 104/Weight:154.6 lbs
Yesterday I gave up being vegan because my whole family hated me for it. Today, I did not take enough food to work and started eating in the afternoon and never stopped. I thought I could be “good” by getting up early and working out. I totally blew that off. I decided to start this blog to mark my slow progression towards turning 40.
I am supposed to be an educated, middle-aged woman but sometimes I am a complete mess. I totally have to fake it at work, seemingly totally “with it” and “together”. Is anyone totally together and with it? It is 7:51 pm and I am wishing that I could still work out. That remains to be seen. I am reading a book by a Buddhist monk and it tells me to love myself, warts and all. Can we really do that? This sound like a lot of shit for a normal person. I am also addicted to celebrity online poop. I look at www.perezhilton.com and www.eonline.com at least 1x a day. It that normal?
Here is what I had to eat today: coffee (2X), 2 apples, 2 oranges, 3 good sized cookies, BIG plate of nachos (chips, cheddar cheese, salsa), 1 can of minestrone soup, rice protein powder (1 serving), a handful of cashews, and 1 slice of whole wheat bread. I have a hard time not focusing too much on what I eat. I loved the control feeling of being vegan. It will be hard to replace that.
